[MIKE] Hey Bill,
how was your weekend? [BILL] Just watched a lot of football. You? [MIKE] Found out my
son is actually a girl. [BILL] What? [MIKE] Yeah, we were all hanging out
on the couch watching Netflix together, and Tommy turns to Sarah and me
and says, “I’m a girl now.” [BILL] Wow. [MIKE] Yeah, I had no idea, but who am I to question
my 3-year-old child, right? [BILL] Yeah, you’re just his parent. [MIKE] Well, it’s not actually “his.” [BILL] Right, sorry, her.
You’re just her parent… Or is there another preferred pronoun? [MIKE] (blows raspberry) [BILL] Never heard that before. [MIKE] Yeah, me neither. You learn something
new every day, right? [BILL] So did (raspberry)
start kindergarten yet? [MIKE] Oh no, (raspberry) said,
“No school!” Also, we’re starting (raspberry)
on hormone blockers next week, so we don’t really
have a lot of free time. [BILL] Hey, that’s parenthood.
[MIKE] Yeah. Hey Steve,
you have a daughter, right? [STEVE] Yeah, my youngest is a girl. [MIKE] Any advice? [STEVE] Raising a girl is a trip.
You have to be ready for anything. [MIKE] Oh yeah? [STEVE] Yeah, like just yesterday,
I found out she doesn’t need to
poop in the toilet anymore. [BILL] Really? [STEVE] Yeah, she just finished
potty training last month, but apparently she just feels better
doing it in her pants. [BILL] Wow. Jealous. [MARTHA] Guys.
My son is an astronaut! [MIKE] No way, congrats! [STEVE] Way to go, Martha! [MARTHA] Thanks!
It’s all happening so fast. Yesterday I went into his room
to wake him up from his nap, and I found him sitting
on the edge of his bed with his Buzz Lightyear
helmet on screaming, “I’m an astronaut! I’m an astronaut!” [MIKE] What an accomplishment! [BILL] So what happens now? [MARTHA] We launch him into space. [BILL] Really? [MARTHA] I think so. I mean we haven’t heard back
from NASA, but he says, “I go to da moons tomorrow!” [BILL] Whoa. Da moons.
[MIKE] (whispers) Da moons. [STEVE] Kids grow up so fast these days. [BILL] Tell me about it. One minute, I’m spoon feeding
my ten-month-old applesauce, the next minute,
he doesn’t need my help. [MARTHA] Your ten-month-old
is eating on his own? [BILL] Nope.
My ten-month-old doesn’t
eat food anymore. [MIKE] Really? [BILL] Yeah.
He just says, “I don’t want it.”
And then crawls away. [MIKE] He doesn’t need to eat food? That’s so advanced! [BILL] Hey, kids are
just more mature now. [MARTHA] Hey Todd.
You okay? [TODD] Yeah, sorry.
Had a rough night. I’m getting divorced. [BILL] I’m so sorry.
Why? [TODD] My toddler…
[MIKE] Little Jimmy? [TODD] Yeah. Little Jimmy.
He tells my wife, “I no likes Dada.” [MIKE] Oh, tough break. [TODD] I thought we were so happy!
We haven’t fought in years. But what are you going to do?
He just finished teething.
He knows best. [ALL] Yeah… [BOSS] What are you guys
doing in there? You should be working! Work. Do work! I’m the boss. [MIKE] Yessir boss.
[BILL] Sorry boss! [BOSS] You should be working. I’m the boss.
I’m the boss!
Work for the boss. [TODD] Need your
approval on this, boss. [MARTHA] Here’s the update
on the Linden report. [STEVE] This needs your signature. [BOSS] (starts crying) [MOM] Oh Eddie! There you are.
You almost gave me a heart attack! [BOSS] Mommy! [MOM] What are you people doing? [STEVE] This needed his signature.
[TODD] He said get back to work. [MARTHA] Yeah, I guess Fred
got fired and now he’s the boss. He said he’s da boss. [MOM] He’s not your boss.
He’s 3 years old. Idiots. (door closes) [TODD] What a terrible parent. Hey guys, thanks for watching. If you enjoyed the video, don’t forget to like it,
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