Any big fans of country music out there? -[audience cheering]
-Yeah. Ooh, some people extending my name.
“Boo,” that’s also approval. -Uh, I think…
-[audience laughing] I think country music… gets a bad rep. You know, why is it that
when Bruce Springsteen sings about a fucking turnpike it is art, and then when someone sings
about a horse, it’s dumb inherently?
I don’t think… [scoffs] I think some of the greatest songwriters
of all time are country artists. Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson…
You know? And if you’re writing honestly,
that is art. And I would never bash that.
Um, the problem is… with a lot of modern country music,
what is called stadium country music, the sort of Keith Urban brand
of country music, is that it is not honest. -It is the exact opposite of honest.
-[country music playing] Where instead of people
actually telling their stories, you got a bunch
of millionaire metrosexuals who’ve never done
a hard day’s work in their life, but they figured out the words
and the phrases they can use to pander to their audience, and they list the same words
and phrases off, sort of mad-lib style in every song, raking in millions of dollars
from actual working-class people. You know the words.
You know the phrases. Phrases like… ♪ A dirt road, a cold beer ♪ ♪ A blue jeans, a red pickup ♪ ♪ A rural noun, simple adjective ♪ [audience laughing] ♪ No shoes, no shirt ♪ ♪ No Jews
You didn’t hear that ♪ [audience laughing] Sort of a mental typo. ♪ I walk and talk like a field hand ♪ ♪ But the boots I’m wearing
Cost three grand ♪ ♪ I write songs about riding tractors ♪ ♪ From the comfort of a private jet ♪ ♪ I could sing in Mandarin ♪ ♪ You’d still know I’m pandering ♪ ♪ Hunting deer, chasing trout ♪ ♪ A Bud Light with the logo facing out ♪ ♪ Hear that subtle mandolin ♪ ♪ That’s textbook pandering ♪ ♪ I own a private ranch
That I rarely use ♪ I don’t like dirt. One verse, one chorus in the bag. Now it’s time to talk to the ladies. I’m hoping my Southern charm offsets
all these rape-y vibes I’m putting out. ♪ Good girl in a straw hat ♪ ♪ With her arms out in a cornfield ♪ ♪ That is a scarecrow ♪ Thought it was a human woman.
Sorry. ♪ A cold night, a cold beer ♪ ♪ A cold jeans
Strike that last one ♪ ♪ I’m wanting you
I hope you’re feeling me ♪ Subtextually. ♪ We go to bed
You doze off ♪ ♪ So I take your country girl
Clothes off ♪ ♪ I put my hands on your body ♪ ♪ It feels like hay
It’s a fucking scarecrow again ♪ ♪ Like Mike’s Evander-ing ♪ ♪ Fuck your ears, I’m pandering ♪ ♪ I write songs for the people who do ♪ ♪ Jobs in the towns
That I’d never move to ♪ ♪ Legalize gerrymandering ♪ ♪ Tolerate my pandering ♪ ♪ You got a beautiful mouth ♪ ♪ I got a beautiful… ♪ Y’all dumb motherfuckers
want a key change? ♪ Thematically meandering ♪ ♪ Emphatically pandering ♪ ♪ I got a tight grip on my demo’s balls ♪ ♪ Say the word “truck”
They jizz in their overalls ♪ ♪ You don’t know what land you’re in ♪ ♪ I’m in the land of pandering ♪ ♪ And I’ll be upfront ♪ ♪ I do what I do
‘Cause I’m a total fucking country boy ♪ -[audience cheering]